100 rejections. It’s a lot.
Maybe it’s not a lot if you’re an author sending off hundreds of book and article submissions a year. Heck, maybe you’re a pick-up artist. I’m pretty sure those guys get through thousands of rejections a year.
But for me, it’s a lot. I’m just a random person. A particularly rejection-adverse random person. The kind of person who never ever rejects a grocery replacement, and who is perpetually too nervous to point out when people are sitting in my pre-booked seat on the train.
But at the start of 2023, I decided it would be my “year of rejections”. A time to wholeheartedly embrace the art of other people saying no to me.
But wait, why 100 Rejections?!
A while ago, I had a conversation with someone who barely knew who I was. And yet, they’d had this enormous effect on my life.
Their small action had triggered this monumental inflection point in my life. They hadn’t realised it at all, in fact the only thing they had done was not reject me in a small moment I stepped outside of my comfort zone.
If you’re interested, it was a social media post, and this was many years ago. They were compiling a list of press-friendly, notable puzzle game enthusiasts. Even though I was a comparative nobody, I put my name forward. The list was then circulated to press. I was then interviewed by an enormous publication. Later, the director of a game company then reached out to me after seeing my name in the article to chat, which later ended in a job offer. The job kickstarted my entire career. I am who I am now because I decided, despite my misgivings, to swallow my fear of rejection and ask the thing anyway.
So, my 100 rejections boiled down to that one simple thing: I wanted to know how many more inflection points I might create by stepping outside of my comfort zone. What if the risk of being rejected doesn’t quite outweigh the risk of being accepted? What then?
What Counts as a Rejection?
At it’s core, anything that felt like I was putting myself in an uncomfortable situation I wouldn’t normally do, could count as a rejection. At one end that could be anything from “apply for a particular job”, or “apply for funding”, and at the other end that could be “invite this person out for a drink because I think they’re cool even though I’m feeling shy about the whole situation”, and somewhere in the middle you could also count things like “ask for a payrise”, or “confront something about a thing” too.
The 100 rejection purists may disagree, but I stand by it. Comfort zone, inflection points, you get me.
And of course… I’m spreadsheet kinda gal, so you can bet I was meticulous about this. My rejections were categorised as the following:
Work Life — Anything related to a pre-existing work relationship, for example a job application.
Industry — Anything related to the industry I work in (Games) but not directly related to work.
Personal — Anything related to my personal life, for example, inviting a friend out somewhere.
And the results could be categorised in the following way:
Rejected — The aim of the game.
Rejected in Absentia — Literally, never heard back. I count it as a rejection.
Accepted — A non-rejection. This is when someone said “yes”.
Accepted, but Didn’t Follow Through — This was a request for which someone said “yes”, but for whatever reason the actual thing didn’t follow through.
Accepted, but Mixed Outcome — This was a request for which someone said “yes”, but the outcome wasn’t exactly what I was after. For example, if negotiated or concessioned.
Pending — Something where I haven’t yet heard back, but do still expect to (perhaps in 2024).
Cancelled — Something I applied for then withdrew my application.
A sample of the rejections / acceptances and mixed outcomes.
Ideas for 100 Rejections
If you’re reading this article, you’re probably considering making your own list. If you do, please do feel free to get in touch on a social media channel of your choice — I’d be super happy to support your own journey!
But in that case, here are some suggestions of things you could put on your own list:
Apply for a new job
Apply for a promotion
Submit a creative piece to a publication
Submit a creative piece for an award
Reach out to another creative to collaborate
Volunteer for a charity
Apply to be on a Podcast / TV Show
Invite a potential new friend out
Apply to a super secret society
Apply for a grant for that business idea you’ve always wanted to do
Apply for a course
Apply for a scholarship
Apply for an award
Ask someone you admire to be your mentor
Ask for help
When faced with a possible rejection opportunity, ask yourself whether the action of asking makes you uncomfortable. If yes, do it anyway. Voila, you have a potential-rejection for your own list.
Lets Talk About My Rejections
Back to my list. In 2023, I “applied for” around 120 things that could have resulted in rejections. Of those 120 things, I received between 30–40 rejections.
100 rejections? I definitely failed.
Looking back on my list, these are largely things like:
Art residencies I applied for and was rejected for
A couple of new jobs I applied for and didn’t get
Being a guest on a specific podcast
Pitching an article to a big name newspaper
A competitive course
Some of them were “blue sky” ideas. I mean, an art residency? Me? Lol. Positively silly. But others weren’t so silly, which meant they hurt a lot when the rejection came.
One of them was to a publishing house calling for artist and designer freelancers. The rejection letter I received was one of the needlessly cruel things I’d ever read. Another was inviting an old colleague out for a drink, someone I really liked but had become estranged from. They made it pretty clear they didn’t want to see me. That one really stung.
But it’s not all bad. I mean, if we look at the numbers in a different way, I actually received around 80 acceptances. Let’s sit with that number for a second. 80 new opportunities I would not have applied for and actually got. 80 potential new inflection points in my life. 80 things that would not have happened.
80 Acceptances (Or, Things that Almost Never Happened)
Good gosh no, I’m not going to list all 80. I promise. But I want to list some of them, just in case anyone is reading this article and thinking about doing 100 rejections themselves. 100 rejections is hard. But if you apply for 100 things, perhaps some of them will turn around and say “yes”.
Being a Guest on a Podcast/TV Show
Listen, I hate the sound of my own voice. The thought of being on a podcast mades my stomach squirm. This made it a perfect opportunity for a rejection. Unfortunately, some of them said yes, which is how I ended up on The Infinite Escape Room four times (1, 2, 3, 4), Life is an Escape Room, Sipping Time, and Psyched to be With You.
If being on a podcast wasn’t enough, I also ended up on national TV. I didn’t do that well. Really not my finest moment.
Channel 4’s “Puzzling” Episode 8.
Applying for ‘That Grant’ to do ‘That Thing’
This is a big one I believe in when talking to people about 100 rejections. Because everyone has “that thing” they want to do but can’t. Maybe they don’t have the financial support, or the knowledge, or the mentorship. Except… Grants, scholarships and programmes almost always exist for “that thing”, whatever “that thing” is for you.
For me, “that thing” was to make my own puzzle game. But when I applied for the Astra Fellowship Programme, it fell into the “this should be an easy rejection” category of “fat chance”. As I write this, I’m about 4 months into the programme and prepping my first game’s prototype.
Talk about inflection points, hey.
All the Friends I Almost Didn’t Make, in all the Places I Almost Never Visited
Last, but by no means least, is that slightly murkier and harder to quantify category of rejections under the “Personal” heading. I mean, how do you quantify a “friend”?
But here my rejection spreadsheet lists things like:
DM [person] and invite them out for a meal in [place]
Invite [couple] on a weekend holiday to [place]
Write a letter to [person] on their travels in [place]
I suppose deep down I didn’t really know what to expect on these sorts of rejections — but when you’re an introvert, it’s hard to plan and organise social meetings. Getting a rejection from a friend, or someone you admire is somehow so much harder than a stranger. Surely they wouldn’t know who I was, or care. Even if they did, surely they already had cooler plans with cooler people, right?
Well, I’m glad to be a little wrong about that sometimes.
…And all the things that actually didn’t happen
Let’s talk about that “Cancelled” category.
That one is an interesting one, because it meant:
I applied for something
They said “Yes”
I then changed my mind and I backed out
Which sounds totally counter-intuitive to do. To which I say yes, yes it is. But I’m just human. I’m fickle. And hey, sometimes things are more important than numbers in a spreadsheet.
Some of those times I’ve marked as “Cancelled” are pretty easy to explain and justify: Such as being considered for an award, only to discover a close friend was in the same position. A throwaway ‘rejection’ for my list, versus something incredibly important to a close friend? It’s a no brainer.
Other times, it’s less easy to explain why I changed my mind about an acceptance. One of them was a job offer I wasn’t really sure I actually wanted in the end. The other was the opportunity to move to another country, but in the moment I didn’t think it was the right decision for me and my family. Even on the smaller scale, being offered to speak at a games festival — it felt impossible when the spectre of impostor syndrome had me in a chokehold, so I said no. Instead I took some time off and got better, so maybe, in the grand scheme of everything, that’s okay?
So, what’s the big lesson to take from it all?
Beats me! After all, I failed — so what do I know?
Looking back on the whole year I’m reminded of a couple of lines from a poem called “Throwing Away the Alarm Clock”. Bukowski might be one of the more problematic poets out there, I know, but the general message of doing something (or not doing something) and discovering something important about yourself along the way is one that resonates with me right now.
my father always said, “early to bed and
early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy
and wise.”
it was lights out at 8 p.m. in our house
and we were up at dawn to the smell of
coffee, frying bacon and scrambled
eggs.
my father followed this general routine
for a lifetime and died young, broke,
and, I think, not too
wise.
taking note, I rejected his advice and it
became, for me, late to bed and late
to rise.
now, I’m not saying that I’ve conquered
the world but I’ve avoided
numberless early traffic jams, bypassed some
common pitfalls
and have met some strange, wonderful
people
one of whom
was
myself — someone my father
never
knew.
I’m also not saying I’ve conquered the world. In fact, there are so many things I didn’t even apply to that I desperately wanted to. But I’m proud of what I did do this year. My life is a little better for the strange and wonderful people met in the strange and wonderful places I travelled to.
I won’t be doing 100 rejections in 2024. But that’s not to say I won’t still do all the things that make me uncomfortable. I just won’t be tracking them meticulously in a spreadsheet and stopping at 100.
The world still has so many more places I want to visit, and so many more weird and wonderful people I can’t wait to meet and call friends.
Onwards, to 2024! 👋
P.S. I’d like to give a shout out to Stephen Lockyer of Enigmailed for first telling me about the “100 Rejections Challenge” and inspiring me.
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